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Never Trust Google Maps

July 4, 2011 5 comments

It wasn’t the best time to discover Google is shy on its travel time estimates. One would think such a great company would be bang on, in everything it does, estimates included.

Believing that was my first mistake.

A few months ago, I’d taken a cursory glance at a map of Europe. ┬áThe distance between Tuscany and Provence did not look daunting. In fact, it was only a couple of inches.

Further scrutiny of possible routes looked even better. The roads that Google suggested hugged first the Italian coastline, and then the French. It held the promise of a beautiful, awe inspiring drive. I imagined us waving to the Europeans lounging on their yachts, bidding them either bon giorno or bonjour, whichever.

Google estimated it to be a six hour journey. A bit of a haul for the kids, but certainly doable, we would stop for a nice lunch en route, and would be eating foie gras and drinking a Luberon rose for dinner.

Emboldened by my research, we started off. We had water and bananas with us. The kids each had their iPods fully charged. We were ready.

The Italian countryside gave way to the Italian Alps, and the children started asking, how much longer it would be.

Not long now, only two hours to go, we replied.

We passed the Cinque Terra, and toyed with the idea of going for a hike. We’d hoped to have lunch in Portofino, so we pressed on.

The thing about driving on the auto route, we realized, was they never gave you distances. We finally started seeing signs for Genoa, and congratulated ourselves for being so speedy.

But the signs for Genoa continued for the next two hours.

It was around this time that the tunnels started.

Instead of gazing at the impossibly blue Mediterranean Sea, we looked into the mouths of one tunnel after another, many of which stretched for two kilometres at a time.

These tunnels were both a blessing and a curse. We couldn’t enjoy much of the landscape, but they kept our children busy for hours as they tried to hold their breath the entire length of the tunnel.

With iPod batteries long dead and no radio stations worth listening to, this was something.

How much longer, they asked. About two hours, we replied. You said that two hours ago, they pointed out.

The other thing we noticed was that Italy didn’t mention any other countries that you might be stumbling into momentarily. We saw no signs indicating France was imminent, until we were in France. We happened to glance a European Union blue sign saying France between tunnels. We had arrived.

Almost.

Surely, we were really only two hours from here. It was dinnertime, and in lieu of our foie gras we had sandwiches au poulet at a reststop.

Monaco gave way to Nice, and then countless other french towns we hadn’t heard of. The sun was setting in front of us, glaring into our tired eyes. We made the turn up north towards Aix en Provence.

How much longer, the kids asked. Surely less than two hours, we replied.

If you happen to be making the journey anytime soon, the drive between Tuscany and Provence is actually eleven hours, not the six that Google promises. I say this with the utmost confidence, and a whole lot of exasperation.

There are, however, two bright sides to this tale.

The first is that our children, incredulously, saw the humor in this situation, and remained good-natured throughout this marathon car ride.

The second is that when we finally reached our destination, we opened the fridge to find one glorious item: a bottle of a Luberon rose.

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