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The small, benign, white box arrived with a knock and a wink from the postman. It looked harmless enough.

Yet it caused a firestorm of bouncing activity from my children. “Open it! Open it!” they screamed in unison, and I promised I would, if they would only come down from the rafters. “Aren’t you excited?’ my daughter asked me, once she was floor bound. I warily told her this little box was about to cause me a whole world of pain and frustration, so no, I wasn’t.

From their perspective, these innocent babes, all you needed to do was turn it on and begin enjoying your new iPhone 5, gaze at its vivid images, marvel at its lightness, and then download every gaming app known this side of Silicon Valley. If only. The seasoned veteran within me knew that opening this was akin to Pandora opening her box and unleashing evil on the world. That is if you equate evil with many hours of wrestling with technology, as I do.

Among my many hats I wear, the one I like almost as little as digging mold out of the seam of the kitchen sink is that of the Chief Technical Officer. I deftly donned it, brim at the back, before finding a knife to slice open the plastic that was tightly wound around the source of my future angst.

In this department, the angst one, that is, it has not disappointed. In the last week I have been to the local Rogers store for a new SIM card, since the one they had sent couldn’t be read. I went to the Apple store after my emails were not downloading, and they fixed it by doing a hard reset.

All before I had tried to sync it with my desktop computer. Cue the pain.

The whole point of getting this iPhone was to have my calendar on hand at all times. But because my desktop is ancient, being from 2007, they told me I have to upgrade my operating system in order to reap the benefits of iCloud. I pursed my lips and thought about the last time I upgraded my operating system, and about how my printer has never worked the same since. Oh no, they assured me, Lion is nothing like Leopard, it will be much smoother! Easy as pie.

I hit the ‘purchase’ button, and then spent the rest of the day fixing everything I cursed in that flash moment. My emails are organized poorly, my calendar is not as vibrant and in an inferior font, the music system in our house immediately went quiet, but most importantly, my treasured Microsoft Word, gone. GONE from my dock. I can barely make out the remnants of the W that once stood for ease and happiness in my world, a big circle with a line through it indicating I can no longer access it.

I haven’t tried to print anything yet, I can only handle so much at once.

I’m still in recovery mode, now researching whether I should buy Microsoft office 2011 or if I should buy Apple’s cheaper word equivalent, Pages. Slightly irritated, but still hopeful that this will be the last frontier I must scale before skating down that easy iPhone path promised by so many.

  1. October 12, 2012 at 2:14 am

    So sorry to hear about your iPhone hell, Deanna. I can only say now I’m even more grateful not to have one! LOVE the mold digging metaphor! Hope you are doing well otherwise. Hugs to you, my friend.

    • October 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      Yes, you are wise to avoid these handsets like the plague, not sure they’re worth all of the trouble!

  2. Mel
    October 12, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Hey Dee, Your post made me laugh out loud – from shared experiences! I loved your writing on this piece – your turn of phrase and use of metaphors was beautiful. I actually read it out loud the second time just to savour the sound the words. I hope you are well and you must send me your new address! I am not west bound anytime soon but you never know. Much love to you my friend and chat soon? Mel

    • October 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm

      Mel! I know, it’s been too long. I need to jump on a plane and jump off in Toronto! Perhaps we will have to settle for a good long phone convo… hope all’s well.

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